Break Down in the Shoe Shop? When Emotion Shows Up in Unexpected Places

The Moment That Caught Me Off Guard

I was in a shoe shop a few days ago. Shoe shops are usually my happy place—there’s something so satisfying about a fresh, new pair of shoes. I was browsing with my girlfriend, not thinking about anything in particular, when I spotted a brand I’d never seen before.

They were brown suede, wallaby-style shoes with a logo on the tongue that read: Hey Dude.

For a second, I just stood there, staring at them like they’d appeared from beyond the beyond. “Hey Dude” is the last thing my mum ever said to me. Seeing those words hit me harder than I ever could have expected. My throat tightened, my chest felt like it was caving in, and suddenly, I was panicking in the middle of a shoe shop, trying to act normal while my body did the exact opposite.

This wasn’t some big anniversary. I wasn’t in a hospital or looking through old photos. I was just out shopping. And yet, there I was, completely thrown by a pair of shoes in a shop I hadn’t even planned on going into. That’s how it was all through my mum’s illness. I never crumbled in the big moments, it was always the unexpected ones.

The Unexpected Nature of Emotions During a Parent’s Illness

People expect emotions to hit in the “big” moments—the hospital days, the difficult conversations, the breaking of bad news. No one warns you that sometimes, the hardest moments show up in the completely ordinary ones.

A smell in the air that reminds you of home. A song playing in a café that you didn’t realize was one of those song. A stranger’s laugh that sounds just a little too familiar. And suddenly, you’re back in a moment you weren’t prepared to relive.

It’s not always sadness, either. Sometimes, it’s frustration at how unfair it all is. Sometimes, it’s exhaustion from constantly carrying something that no one else can see. Sometimes, it’s relief—relief that catches you off guard because no one ever talks about how complicated emotions can be when someone you love is ill.

Whatever it is, it can hit you anywhere.

Why This Happens (The Weight We Carry)

Emotions don’t work on a schedule. Your brain doesn’t file things away neatly into “times when it’s appropriate to be upset” and “times when you should just be able to get on with your day.”

A study from the American Psychological Association found that emotional triggers are often more intense in mundane settings because those are the moments when we’re not bracing ourselves. When you’re in a hospital or a stressful situation, you’re in survival mode. You’re actively managing. But when you’re just walking through a shop or driving home from work, your guard is down. And that’s when the feelings sneak in.

There’s also something about stillness that invites emotions to the surface. When you’re constantly busy—checking in on your parent, sorting out medications, juggling work or school—you don’t have time to process everything. But in the quiet moments, when your mind isn’t occupied with a task, those emotions take their chance to be heard.

How to Handle These Moments When They Happen

You can’t stop these moments from happening. But you can handle them in a way that makes them feel less overwhelming.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel It

Your first instinct might be to shove the feelings down and pretend they’re not happening. But that’s not how emotions work. Trying to suppress them just makes them come out in other ways—through tension, exhaustion, or snapping at someone over something minor.

You’re not weak for reacting to something small. It’s okay if you need a moment to pull yourself together.

2. Use a Quick Coping Strategy

When emotions hit out of nowhere, grounding techniques can help you feel more in control. Simple things like taking deep breaths, pressing your feet firmly into the ground, or naming five things you can see around you can help anchor you in the present moment.

If you need a second, take it. Step into another aisle, text a friend, or just pause. There’s no rule that says you have to keep pushing forward the second something hits you.

3. Recognize That It’s Part of the Process

Having moments like this doesn’t mean you’re falling apart. It just means you’re human. Honestly, It’s better to feel these emotions when they come up than to shove them down and pretend they don’t exist.

Try not to get frustrated with yourself for reacting in the moment. If anything, take it as a sign that what you’re feeling is real—and that’s okay.

4. Talk About It If You Need To

Sometimes, just saying it out loud takes the weight out of it. Telling a friend, a sibling, or even just writing it down can help you process what happened without feeling like you have to carry it alone.

A report from Cancer Research UK highlights that sharing experiences with others who’ve been through something similar can significantly reduce feelings of isolation. You’re not the first person to have an emotional moment in a random place, and you won’t be the last.

Conclusion: It Happens to All of Us

If you’ve ever had a moment like this—whether in a shoe shop, in the car, or halfway through making a cup of tea—know that you’re not alone.

Emotion doesn’t always wait for the right time or place. Sometimes, it sneaks up on you in the middle of an ordinary day, in the least expected way. When it does, it’s not a sign that you’re losing control. It’s just a reminder that you’re carrying something heavy, and you’re doing the best you can-

and that’s enough.

If you’ve had one of these moments before, I’d love to hear about it. What caught you off guard? How did you deal with it? Let’s talk about it.